Friday, March 16, 2007

spam

I think email and internet are some of the most wonderful inventions of modern man. But also has its evil side. Everybody has to be as sick of junkmail as I am. What a waste. Does anyone really benefit from it? My junkmail filter catches 200-300 every day. But here’s a sampling of the ones that got thru (with my sassy comments):

“Singles matchup” – ain’t single (thank you, Lord)
“Save thousands” – by clicking on junkmail???
“Confirmation of your order from Sony” – uh, I’m boycotting Sony because it is a sucky company, so I’m certain this is bogus
“Online degree program” – if I’m gonna spend time and bucks, I’m gonna get a REAL degree
“Get a higher education” – i dun been to hi skoo
“Find your soulmate” – I did (thank you, Lord)
“Find dates” – I have a whole calendar full of them, now run along
“Bad credit” – um, no thanks
“Don’t be lonely” – I’m not, dammit, now leave me alone
“Dream vehicles” – got one
“Love chat” – uh, how about a little prayer time, now there’s some love chat!
“Scholarship award” – ok, first off, I’m not a scholar
“Discount health insurance” – now there’s an oxymoron is I EVER heard one
“Talkshow trip” – sounds like a trip to hell if you ask me
“Money for you” – just for answering your stupid survey? Is “na├»ve” written on the ceiling?
“Attract any woman” – uuk, excuse me I need to go throw up
“Vacation to Las Vegas – participation required” – what? The government is requiring my attendance? They better buy my ticket and pay for meals and accommodations, too.

These are just today’s selection. But at least I don’t get the ones about “Please your girl” or “Enhance fill in the blank”.

There’s another group of junkmail that is either from illiterate people or people who have English waaaaaay down on their communication skills – like not their primary (or secondary language):
“Appeared than print”
“Get more better”
“Check our latest rintonges”
“Check out our latest ringotes”
“Check our our lastest ringtones” (these came in succession – not sure if they ever got it right)

Then there are the intentional emails from friends / co-workers that leave me wondering, can’t you find a hobby? Or maybe a second job so you don’t have so much free time?
“Describe me in one word” – umm, I ain’t steppin’ in that
“Make a wish and forward this to 14 people and you will get your wish in 14 days” – Firstly, why would I want to annoy 14 of my best friends? And secondly, if I want something that is out of my power to accomplish, a prayer would be the needed thing (not a wish - and a wish and a prayer are definitely NOT the same thing).

Sometimes I just try to think of junkmail as someone’s poor attempt at providing entertainment – like bubblegum music. Mostly I just DELETE. Okee, rant over. Back to more productive activities.

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